07 30 11 Pass the Popcorn

I really have so much that runs through my mind these days. It seems that there is rarely an idle moment that I find my mind relaxed or just taking a break. It never stops thinking or reasoning, or imagining, or contemplating, or hashing over things, or making up scenarios that play out over and over. It seems that my mind is a never ending cascading reel of factual fiction that leaves me wanting a bucket of hot buttered popcorn and box of Junior Mints.

Without visual input, I seem to be thinking in Technicolor. I am moving in stereo, just like rick Ocassik sang about on The Cars first album.

I scour my memory bank and have managed to come up with some dusty memory classics this past year that I had completely forgot about. I wander from internal scripts, to mental journals. A passage into and through a scattered collection of memorabilia that somehow kept from being set out for sale on a flea market table down on Route 1 in Searsport.

With all of my files in my data bank, the ones that seem to crop up just as often as the others is the memories from my past several jobs.

I have traveled throughout central and western Maine for over 30 years, and I drive the routes in my mind over and over. I am behind the wheel and it feels good. It feels normal. It feels just as good as it ever did.

I have traveled route 2 from Skowhegan to Farmington a million times. Half of them without ever leaving my head.

I find comfort in my thoughts. I find friends and family and places and customers along with so many events that have shaped me and molded me into my gray haired Billy goat years. I have the events of this past year also logged into the film vault, but they usually play on a different schedule than my older visual memories do.

I can’t begin to tell you how totally different my mental images of this past year differ from their actual accuracy. What I perceive as my visions now, must differ greatly from their actual appearance.

I do tend to  wander into a few rooms full of memories that would be better served as just left alone. I do not like to dwell into the “what if’s”, or the “how come’s”, they will not, and can not ever prove useful to me. I need to stay into the ‘I will’s”, and the “I can’s”.

My grandson blew into our lives again this weekend, like a welcome tropical depression on a drought stricken land. It is such a blessing to have him in my life. He has given this mush melon of a brain of mine so many grand memories that will fill the screen for all eternity.

No matter where I turn, the good memories come flooding in. Like chocolate, they fill the cravings of a thousand sweet tooths. I can feel my battery recharging the whole time My Grandson Jack is near. Like a passionate surge, the time spent with him flows through my core and fills my cells with the energy that I need to carry on.

With all that I have lived, and all that I have learned, time is the anchor of it all. With time, in time, making time, buying time, hardly any time, out of time, it is an endless gift and a reoccurring burden at times.

I have time to think, and I have time to reflect. In time I am sure that I will be able to go back through time and gather enough knowledge to move on to the next event in my existence.

Like my mind, this blog post has wandered in and out of my point. In time, maybe I can work on that too.

Until then, I will keep imagining and remembering, and wondering, and manufacturing.

The reel that is spinning on the projector is nearly empty, but there is another one cued up and raring to go.  Keep the hot buttered popcorn and Junior Mints coming! The show is just getting started.

07 25 11 Losing My Vision

Losing my vision was one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through. I can not begin to tell you of the fear and internal torment that I went through on those dark and dreary days back in June and July of 2010.

Those 30 or so days from June 2^nd to July 3^rd were very strange. My vision loss in early June left me with a big obscured spot near the line of sight in my right eye, which was my only sighted eye. I did have to adjust to the aftermath of that stroke, as my vision was foggy and bright, along with the blind spot. Some days were better than others, as I tried to make due with what I thought was going to be my vision for the remainder of my life. I mentioned stroke. I suffered a central retinal arterial occlusion. Simply put a stroke. The blood flow to my retina in my right eye was disrupted by an arterial wall collapse. The doctors figure that the collapse was caused by years of deterioration from the radiation I had to cure the infancy cancer in my eyes. The arterial walls, over time, lost their elasticity and became very hard and finally collapsed. I do take a blood thinner now to try and keep this from happening again. So far, so good. I would love to be able to keep the vision that I have left, even if it is meager at best.

I did manage to get a ton of yard work done during the month of June, as I was forced to take the month off from work. My vision was in no way good enough to drive at work. My livelihood had been disrupted.

The doctors told me after the month of June that my blind spot and over all vision had improved to the point where I could safely resume normal activities. Needless to say, I was elated, and excited about being able to go back to work. I did not like the idle time, and was starting to feel like a loaf monster.

                                                                                                                                                That last weekend was the weekend of the 4^th, and Jack our grandson was supposed to come over for a stay Saturday into Sunday. We were going to take him to see the fireworks that Saturday night, until all hell broke loose.

I had been out weeding in the garden all week, and it had been a hot sunny week. I was glad at my progress, and by Friday afternoon, I was 2 rows from completion. It took me 2 days just to weed the onions and carrots. I hated weeding these rows, because it was such tedious work. It was awesome to stand and admire the rows upon completion though.

That Friday afternoon Lynne came to get me in the middle of the afternoon. I was fried and tired and she asked if I would like to take a ride to Skowhegan to get some take out and an ice cream. I did not disagree.

After the meal and an ice cream, I ran into Hannaford’s to grab a few groceries. I was met at the check out by a friend of mine’s wife. She noticed how tan I was from the week’s worth of weeding.

I exited the store, and went out to the car. We left the parking lot and I experienced the first of several strokes which were very similar to the one from the first of June. It was like geometric shapes floating and spinning in my sight. Checker boards spinning and tumbling. Pink Floyd was all I could think of.

My vision returned as we arrived home, but I was left with the blind spot sliding directly in front of my line of sight. I tried watching TV that night, but could not make out anything on the screen. It was all gray and foggy.

I did my normal chores before bed. Walking the dogs was as it normally was. I could see good enough to walk around the lot.

I went to bed very confident that it would get better in time, as it had done during the month of June.

I was wrong. I was very very wrong.

I awoke the next morning in the midst of another stroke, and that one subsided and slid immediately into another one.

I sat on the edge of my bed and waited for the strokes to subside. They did after an hour or so.

I got up, and walked the dogs. I told my wife what happened, and she called my ophthalmologist.

During the next couple of hours, I had a few more smaller strokes, and the last one at approximately 10am, my vision never came back.

I have been blind since. I have been learning how to be blind ever since.

My vision comes and goes, with what little I can still see. I am left with right outer peripheral vision, and it is like looking through cheese cloth at dusk. It basically sucks lots. The vision I have left is what they call temporal vision. I can not see what I am looking directly at. I have to look at the left of what it is that I want to try and see.

I get dizzy and the room starts spinning when I try to concentrate on what I am looking at.

I have what they call “hand motion only” vision. It is not usable vision, unless I am in a very familiar area. I have contrasted vision, which is that I can notice white on black, and vice versa.

It has been a year of ups and downs, and without my family, friends, and the folks at the DBVI I don’t know where I would be. I can assure you that I would not be faring as well as I am today.

I thank you all, and as I have done in the past year, I look forward to the challenges that my future holds.

There will be a ton of them, but it is my life, and I will live it to the best of my ability.

I am certain that these events have transpired for a reason. I will continue to try and find out what those reasons are, one day at a time.

God Bless You All.

Until we meet again.                           

07 21 11 head Full Of Music

Head Full Of Music

Hi people.

Music. A simple word with a mind boggling history.

For the most part, I have a song running through my head, 24/7. Most of the time it is a random song, and I have no clue as to how it got in there. Some of the time, I wish it wasn’t there, because it is a really sucky song that just keeps on looping and looping. I hate it when that happens.

Other times I am going over a song that I am changing the harmonies to, or the melodies until it seems to get compiled into a song that is quite unlike the original, and a lot of the times, it turns out better than the original.

My mind seems to be a hack em up, rewrite them, play with the melody, music recording studio. There are cut outs of a million songs laying all over the studio floor. I think I should make some time to at least sweep up a bit.

I remember about 7 or 8 years ago I had been listening to Harry Nilsson in my work truck cd player. The song was “I Can’t Live Without You”, and I would listen to the song each day on the way to work for a couple weeks. During the day, I would play with the melodies of the song in my head, especially the back up vocals. “No I can’t forget the feeling or your face as you were leaving.” I developed a strange haunting alternate version as I sang it in my head. It gave me goose bumps, and made me wish I had gone to college and got some education in recording and music writing and developing.

If I could do it all over again…

I had times in my life where I would listen to a ton of music, and I had times in my life where I listen to very little music. No matter which version of mind set I found myself in, I still always had a song running through my mind. My life has been one never ending melodical extravaganza that I would not trade for anything in the world. I have to admit that some times, I just can’t get in the mood to listen to, or enjoy music. It just doesn’t make sense to me some times, but the music still plays on inside of me. When I finally manage to snap out of my melodic doldrums, the music is always there staring me in the face, shaking a finger at me and asking me where in hell I was? I usually apologize, and hit the play button.

I enjoy many complete versions of songs. I have a knack for being able to have all of the complex harmonies and wonderful lyrics run through my music studio between my ears. If I concentrate, I can hear every piece of the orchestra accompanying the piece, and it fills my head with soothing sound.

I have heard of people with what they call, ‘perfect pitch”. I don’t know if I have perfect pitch, because I have never been taught to read or recognize music notes and scales.

One of my favorite things to do when I have idle time running through my brain, is to play Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” from start to finish in my head. Every time I do, I think of the movie “Wayne’s World”, when they are all traveling in the car, and that song comes on the radio. With their heads bouncing emphatically to the music, I am singing along with them in my mind.

I am such a head case, but I do love music. I figure that if you have a wicked happy song running through your mind, chances are, you are in a wicked happy place too. They go hand in hand. Like peas and carrots. Like peanut butter and chocolate. Like Lennon and McCartney. Like stewed tomatoes and green beans. Like vanilla ice cream smothering hot brownies. Like David Gilmore and Roger Waters. Like Tom and Jerry. Like Jethro and Tull.

Ok, Ok, Ok, I think you get my point. Ha. Here I go again. Point? Kansas, Point of Know Return. See? They just pop in and I start playing them.

With my recent ventures into Radio, I may finally have the chance to broadcast my mind out over the internet. It is a childhood dream, and it is coming true.

I have so many songs that give me Goosebumps. I have so many wonderful melodies running through the attic, and finally I get to go through all of the dusty boxes of collectible memorabilia that has been cluttering the rafters for all my years.

From TV commercials, to show tunes, to rock operas to back stage unplugged works of art, it is all inside me. It is who I am, who I have always been, and I relish the thought of others who have this affliction.

Music soothes the soul, lifts the spirit, and  takes you to places that aren’t on the map. It is really amazing that such a simple word can have such a powerful affect. I have another song running through my head as I type this.

“Gimmie the beat boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in you’re rock and roll, and drift away.” Thanks Dobie.

When my time is up on this big blue marble that spins to the east, I am sure that I will leave with a song running through my mind.

I just hope God has a charging outlet for my iPod.

Take care everyone, and have a great day.

Deon

07 18 11 happy Summer Everyone.

07 18 11  Hi Everyone, and Happy Summer.

Hi everyone.

I hope you are all having a great summer, and are able to be with family as much as possible.

I have been doing some things with a couple of writers groups that I joined these past few weeks, and have been informed that if I publish some of my stories on this blog site, then later on I may jeopardize my chances of having any of my blog stories published by other companies that publish writings.

If I put my stories on this site, these companies will view these pieces as being published, and will not have anything to do with them.

I am still learning so much about writing, and hopefully in the future, I will need to learn about publishing.

I do love to write, and with my typing getting better, I am able to get down more of what is going on inside of my head in a continuous flow. It feels really good sometimes to be able to type almost as fast as my thought process. Not quite as fast, but a hell of a lot better than it was just a few short months ago.

I have also been doing more stuff with the radio station. I have done a couple of test shows in the past week, and it went ok.

I am trying to get a time slot that will run on Tuesday nights from 6 to 8, or 7 to 9. I am not sure yet, and will let you know when the slot is fixed.

You can listen to the station, which airs 24/7 at www.cupcakeradio.net

Just click on listen, and we hope you like what you hear.

My shows will eventually be from my catalogue that I will create over time. I do love music from the 70’s and I am excited about the possibilities.

My name on the show is DJ Slowmoe, and I will be throwing Blind Billy Goat Radio at you from the clam flats to the pucker brush.

Ha.

Well, any ways, If you would like me to email you copies of the stories that I took off the site, let me know.

You can also leave comments on here much easier, as I have formatted the comments page , making it much simpler. All you need to do is select “anonymous’ from the list, and don’t forget to leave your name in the comment. There is also a blog entry informing you in the steps to leave comments. It does work, as I have another friend of mine who has formatted her page, and I have successfully left her a message on her page, which can be found at,

Abbiescorneroftheworld.blogspot.com

She is a wonderful writer, and I do enjoy reading her material.

Well, it is time for my mid morning medication. Diet Pepsi and chocolate.

I hope you all have a great day, and stay well.

Prayers go out for  members of my family who are going through some trying times. God Bless You All.

Until we meet again, taa-taa.

Deon

07 15 11 Submitting Comments, and Accessibility Issues with Blogspot.com

Steps for Commenting on Blogspot.

Hi Everyone.

My PC Guru Mike came to my house yesterday. I asked him to help me go through blogspot.com and try and figure out how to make it easier for people to leave comments on my page, as well as making it easier for me to leave comments on other people’s pages.

I have been hearing from some of my followers, as well as other people with pages, that they are finding it hard to leave comments. Mike and I took a couple of hours to try and come up with a solution. Mike was obviously the brains of the operation. He usually is.

Thanks for the help as usual, Mike. You rock.

Here we go.

First of all as the blogger, you need to go into your dashboard settings area on your blog page, and select the “comments” tab. In there, select who can leave comments to “anyone” This way; the confusion that seems to ensue with selecting ones user status from several different members’ lists is eliminated. We found that while trying to leave comments, blogspot kept asking for us to sign in under a selected list of groups, even though we were signed in already. This was confusing, and selecting the option so anyone can leave comments seems to skip this annoying process. Also check the box to give you email alerts when someone comments.

I realize that this eliminates any security steps as to who you allow to leave comments, and when you receive email alerts that someone commented, the emails are from “anonymous”. The person commenting can still sign the comment, so that you know who made the comment that is in the email alert, and in the comments area on the site itself.

Confused yet? Boy I sure was, am.

The comments page layout also matters as to how Jaws reacts. We found that the full page layout left us with an unaccessible “Post Comment” button that the regular Jaws pc cursor, and the Jaws cursor could not recognize. I am not sure if System Access has a cursor similar to the Jaws cursor, and this button may be accessible with S.A. in the full page style. I realize that sighted people will have no issues with this matter, as they can mouse click on the post button. I do, however, want to make my page accessible to anyone who chooses to view and leave comments.

We selected as the comment layout, “embedded below post” layout. With this layout, the “post comment” button became accessible with the regular pc cursor for Jaws. We are fairly certain that it should be also accessible for System Access cursors as well.

So here is a small description of what we do to leave a comment on my page with these criteria involved.

After reading blog, click on “0” comments, where “0” is the number of comments already listed. This will take you to the comments page where we have selected the embedded below post layout. Find the edit window below the blog post, and type your comment, remembering to sign it if you choose “anonymous” from the user list that ensues. When completing comment, tab once to the “comment as” dialog box,” Once in this box, page down once to get to the bottom of the list where “anonymous” will be automatically highlighted. The Anonymous choice is the last in the list. Once the “anonymous” option is highlighted, hit tab again. This selects the option, and precedes you to the “post Comment” button. Once you are at the “Post Comment” button, just hit enter to select and post your comment.

We found that by selecting “anonymous” from the list, eliminated any problems with having to sign in under a pre selected user name or group. As stated earlier, this became a problem for us, as it kept asking us repeatedly to sign in, even though we already were.

Like so many things, this seems very complicated until you get used to it. It is a 2 step process. The blogger’s steps. And the reader’s steps. I am sure that there are other ways to set up your blogspot site, as I am sure there are other ways to leave comments. We found these particular ways worked with our circumstances. I hope they may be of help to you, if you are having similar issues.

I still do urge people to sign up and become registered users of blogspot, so you can become followers of people’s pages. It is always nice to see how many followers you have following your page.

I am recently visually impaired, and am still learning the ins and outs of website navigation. I will get better with time, and I do appreciate the help of many people along the way.

I hope this helps anyone who has had issues with this process. From what I HAVE HEARD, THAT is JUST ABOUT EVERYONE.

Thanks and have a great day.

Deon

Dplyons.blogspot.com

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.
Helen Keller