Thursday, September 13, 2012

2012 09 13 I Was Strolling Through The Park One Day...


I was strolling through the park one day, in the very merry month of, umm, August, and what should come strolling by? Why, if it wasn't another conceptual enigma, surrounded by a shard of evolutional brain stem activity. It was an epiphany, a lightning bolt from the data base above, an elusive encounter with the forces of all that remain mysterious to just about everyone else. I had a revelation of sorts, first of which was the realization that it was raining out, and I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, with sandals to boot. At least I had my baseball hat on, which provided me with an adequate level of protection from the onslaught of wetness, that is, until it became soaked, along with me.

There I was, strolling along, smacking the pavement with my trusty staff, and I thought about something that I had written in an email to a friend, just days before. I thought about how poignant the catch phrase was, and how it defined different aspects of my life, and probably all of our lives in one way or another.

The phrase I thought of was simple, short, and so descriptive of so much of my life.

Absorb, adapt, and advance.

That's it. That's all there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less. Pure and true to meaning, yet it's ability to stretch and mold itself to perfectly fit with pretty much anything anyone ever thought and did. A concept that surely would, and has, withstood the countless tests of time. Three words that described so many times in my own life.

I thought back on different times in my life when I absorbed the actions, reactions, the diverse obstacles, the plethora of days when I just didn't think all of the crap would stop charging in on me. The endless ways that life turned the corner and came out of the blue, full speed, with no amount of merciful pleading being able to halt its undaunting advances. The twists, the turns, the ups and the downs, all of which seemed to be heading straight for me. No warning of an iceberg, straight ahead, no flares shot up into the night sky, no flashing hazard lights on the construction signs, nothing, just me, and them, alone in a room, one against the other, with only two possible outcomes. Either they got the best of me and I found myself rendering the familiar white flag of the French, or I found the ability to continue on with the meanings of the other two words in the catch phrase.

I think we all find ways to adapt. We all find that little corner of our cowardly lion heart that has just had enough, and figures out a way to take everything in stride. Yes, we all get knocked to the left, then as quickly as we find our balance, we are sharply pulled to the right. If that isn't enough, there's the sudden jerk backwards that can catch us completely off guard. I hate those. I hate them with a passion.

I have adapted to so many things over the course of my life, I really don't think it's possible to recount them all. Adaptation is the main ingredient in which I have become. It's the great equalizer that keeps the needle pointing north. It's the wonderful internal mechanism that winds us up and walks us through no matter what. It is the tincture of life that endures the absorption of countless battles that life holds. It's about nineteen ninety five at your local pharmacy or health food store, but you better hurry up, because this years trendy blend probably won't work for very long. Stinking future, always changing and all. The nerve!

I adapt. It's what I do. It's who I am able to be. It's what I am all about. I really have no choice though. It's what I do, because I choose to live, and you can't just live without trying. It's just not that easy, and yes, we all know that nothing worth while ever comes easy. Right? Can I have a hell to the ya?

I think I have found that every day is a challenge, some more than others, but a challenge none the less. If I am lucky enough to rest my head on my pillow at the end of the day then it's probably safe to say that I have adapted my way through the day. Hey, that rhymes. Hmmm.

Focus...

Ok. Hi there. How are you doing? Have you been able to adapt today? Have you found yourself thinking something through and changing your initial plan? Have you found yourself doing something out of the ordinary because of something that happened unexpectedly? Have you found yourself cleaning something up, or gluing something back together, or pushing something to the side, or eating something for supper that you didn't even know was in your cupboard? Has your day altered from its original plan? Has your initial concept taken a visual trip way, far away to adaptation land? Has your temper been shortened, or your patience been thinned, or your emotions in general been put in a blender?

How did it make you feel? How did you handle it? How did you, adapt? Did you take the ball and run with it? Did you find yourself on the other side, catching your breath? Did you find yourself gazing back at the twisted tanglement of taunting torment, completely exhausted, but with a new sense of pride? Did you find another unusual and unique way to adapt? Did you? Did you? Well? Did you? I bet you did, and you probably didn't even know it. You're so clever. Far cleverer than you probably know, or give yourself credit for. Now, don't let it go to your head, because you're gonna need another fist full of humility before it's all said and done. It ain't over 'til the rather large, rotund lady entertains us with her wonderment of musical oration.

Some times my fingers take what I'm thinking, and do some wacked out stuff. Are they adapting? Did I just adapt? Have I just received a small sample of adaptational evolution?

Well then, seeing how I was fortunate enough to enjoy such a trendy ability, I think I might just be getting outta here. I need to take a hint. I need to advance, to move on, to start heading towards the next unsuspected adaptational absorption.

Through all of life's adversity, all of its relentless hills and countless valleys, I find a way to take another step. I find a way to pile up the seconds into minutes, into hours, and end up with another day. I find a way to take the good with the bad, and make the best out of what's left. I find a way to watch the daylight disappear into the speckled, starry night. I find a way, and as we all do, I try to take a moment to reflect. So much to think about really. So much to sort out and process. ? So much to be thankful for, and grateful for, and feel blessed about.

? The human spirit is such an amazing, beautiful, endless supply of energy, faith, and love. It's such a pure start to all that is good. It's a gift from the heavens above. It's a joyous shout, a tearful cry, a smiling hug followed by a curious stare. It's an advancing melody of harmony and soul. It's a wonder anyone ever stops advancing at all, seeing as how much there is out there to help make us whole. It's a wonder that this big blue marble doesn't bounce itself right out of the universe, with all the advancing going on.

I really have no other option, but to keep on advancing. I have made a decision, whether it be fully conscious, or something that's been embedded into my core from day one, but it is a plan of attack that defines who I am, and what I am all about. It's just something that I do. We all do. It's just something that I have to rely on, to be able to survive all of the amazingly weird things that this world has to offer.

There was a time, not too long ago, when I didn't think I could advance any more. I didn't think I could adapt from all that was going on in my life. I didn't really know if I actually wanted to. I had a hard time absorbing all of the diversity, and adversity. I had a hard time figuring out why a lot of things had happened to me, but why not me? Why wouldn't these things happen to me? Why would I ever be any different than anyone else, who also might experience the same things that were happening to me? And even more, why wouldn't I be able to adapt and advance with my life, no matter what happened to me? I am, after all, human, just like you, and you, and well, ok, you too, I guess. I am, of course, no better than the next guy, but also, I am no less than the next guy either.

I think my brain is absorbing signals that detect an emptiness in my belly. I have adapted to the feeling of being hungry, and I realize where I am. I ought to advance out to the kitchen, so I can find me some chocolate.

Have a good day everyone, no matter where you find yourselves advancing to.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

2012 09 06 This Point In Time


This Point in Time

 

 

How did I get here?

 

How did I get right, here?

 

How did I get to this point in time, in this chair, in this room, this house, this life? How was I chosen to be placed in this never ending roller coaster of emotional extremes? Was I chosen, or did I choose this for myself? What lessons am I supposed to learn, if I infact, did choose to live this life?

 

Am I experiencing things that were overlooked in some other parallel? Am I putting the pieces of a much larger puzzle together? Is this life getting me ready for the next amusement ride?

 

Am I ever going to find out? What happens if and when I do find out? Will I be automatically readied for the next run through? Will I at least have a chance to get a look at the instruction manual before I am catapulted into the next level? Do I have enough tokens to reach the next destination, or will I be left behind, out there somewhere, in a null, dark, empty void, hollering for assistance?

 

Why can't things be as simple as when I was a kid? Why can't I just have the simplicity of a child's expectations? Why can't I enjoy today, without worrying about tomorrow? Why can't I live for today, without having to plan for a tomorrow full of uncertainty and unknowns?

 

I didn't know what I was going to write when I started this. Why did I start writing about this topic? Was I destined to? Was it part of the plan? Am I really supposed to be right here, right now, writing about this exact thing? Did I learn how to touch type so that I could be right here, right now, pounding away on my keypad? Does that sound normal?

 

Are any of you really out there, or am I just watching a movie, or a dream? Could this thing that feels like my life just is that rapid quick reel of events that plays out before your very eyes, as you are hovering along the precipice of death? Is that what this is? All that I have experienced in this life, could it be just a trial run for the next endeavor? This is just a test, right? This is just a trial run for things to come, right? This is just a warm up lap to get all of the bugs and quirks worked out, right?

 

How am I doing? How am I really, really doing? Am I following the original protocol? Am I staying in the lines? Am I staying on course? Why did the last twelve years go by so fast? Were they supposed to? How come I can't remember a lot of them? Did I do all of those drugs for a reason? Was I not supposed to remember all of the things that I have forgotten about? Will I ever get the chance to remember them again? Will the next twelve years go by as fast as the last twelve did? Did my life change so much to snap me out of a never ending spiral of self induced void? Is what happened to my vision a form of self awareness that was crucial in the structure of my time here?

 

Why am I typing so many questions? Shouldn't I know all of these answers by now, I mean, I have been here a very very long time already. Seems to me that I should know this stuff by now, right?

 

Why is it that I handle things the way that I do? How come I choose to walk away, or avoid certain situations in my life? Why do I get so emotional over certain things in my life? Why do I get all weird feeling when I am confronted with uncertainty and different levels of stress? Why do I cry when a Hallmark commercial comes on TV? Am I supposed to be the way I am, or am I the way I am because of things that have happened to me? Do things happen to me because of the way that I am? Is my vulnerability being protected in the grand scheme of things? What am I being protected from? Why don't I have the same drive that enables others to excel in life? Why don't I have the same faith and trust in my own abilities, as I see so many others do? Why do I get all choked up under certain situations where others just seem to be able to handle much better?

 

Am I really on a warrior's quest that the cards say that I am? Who decided to put me right here? Who decided that I should be the way that I am? Is it all God's plan? Is there really a single plan for me, or am I part of a larger plan?

 

What is going to happen this December 21st? Why can't I get it out of my mind? Am I here, have I been put here to experience something that is going to be an incredible event? Is that why we are all here? Is that all that there has ever been, just this one moment? Is that all there is? One moment in time? One experience that explains it all? One truly amazing chain of events that will, without a doubt, let us know why this is all here? Am I going to be a factor in something that I have been destined to be a part of from the beginning?? Will this all make sense very soon, or will I still live to learn until I have lived and learned my fill?

 

All of those stars out there; do they have blue marbles spinning around them, just like us? Are we like the little fleck of dust on the flower in Horton Hears a Whom? Do I have an elephant staring at me right now? Is there someone else staring at me? At us all? Hello? Are you there? Are we just one big experiment?

 

Have I asked enough questions, or should I ask for more? Am I supposed to end this document right now? If I end it now, what will happen? Am I supposed to end this right now, and find out?

 

What would happen if, for some reason, all of a sudden, I just stopped typing?