2012 03 31 My Grandson

My Grandson Jack turns six tomorrow. Six years have gone by since I held him tightly, for the first time, cupped between my two hands. Six years have gone by since I stared into those big baby blues, while I wiped a tear from mine. Six years have gone by in the blink of an eye.

He comes up to my waist now. He is getting pretty tall, and I am shrinking. I think he is winning. I feel the same age, except for the time that has gone by since he entered our lives.

I see so many things in him. When I hear him laugh, when I grab him and hug the stuffing out of him, when I think back when his father was his age. It all comes rushing back at me.

Have I changed much in twenty something years? Have I turned from a father, into a grandfather without even knowing it? I still feel the same, except for the aches and pains of growing older. I suppose that I do look at things totally different now.

My grandson turns six years old tomorrow. I can hardly believe my eyes. Where did the time go? Who ripped all of the pages of the calendars off?

I wonder what he thinks of when he thinks of me. I wonder if it is the same sort of feelings that I had when I thought of my own grandparents? I wonder if I seem the same to him as they did to me? How did I get here? In my wildest dreams, I never thought of myself as a mature enough adult to ever be thought of as a grandfather. I mean seriously, that's a lot of responsibility isn't it?

I think back at how I felt when I first became a father. It really isn't that much different, other than there are a heck of a lot more responsibilities.

I don't know how I ever fared as a father, other than how my son reacted, and reacts to me. I tried to do the best I could, but what the hell did I know? Most of the time, I was just trying to figure out who I was, never mind who my son thought I was.

It all went by in a blur. Just one big blur.

I tried to pull as many of the memories ahead with me, but it all happened so fast, I never really knew what hit me.

My grandson Jack turns six tomorrow, and I am wondering if he realizes how fast his life will fly by. I am wondering if he ever thinks about his dad, and his grandfather the same way that I, or his dad did? I wonder if he will ever know to grab hold tight to as many memories as he can.

I seem to recall someone telling me to live it and love it, because it comes and goes wicked, wicked fast. I seem to recall never thinking I would ever grow up. My wife still thinks the same. Smile.

I try to think of how to act, of how to behave, of what to talk to him about. I try to think of what my grandfathers meant to me. I try to remember how it felt when I hugged them, or sat and listened to them. It seems like so long ago. A different time, with different people, living different styles of lives. It was just different.

My grandson Jack turns six years old tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to my Grandson,

Jack Matthew.