2012 04 10 Snoozing Sentry

Do you hear that? Can you hear it?

it's the sound of my dog Coco, snoozing at her usual sentry location, in the entry way to the house. Standing guard, or sleeping guard, she is there, at the ready, to protect to the end. Usually from squirrels jumping down from the roof of the house, onto the feeder I attached to the kitchen window. She knows that those rascally gray rodents are conspiring to have at us. To pillage our storage bins and rid them of the black oil seed.

Thank you my Dear Coco. We will forever be in your debt.

There's a couple other things that absolutely drive her as crazy as the squirrels do. The back up beeper on large commercial vehicles. I don't know what it is about that "Beep, Beep" noise, but it absolutely sends her spinning. That, and UPS and FedEx delivery guys.

I wonder what goes through her mind. I wonder if it is true when they say a dog lives in the moment, and do they really see things in black and white.

I know one thing. She is one of the happiest dogs we have ever had. If she doesn't have her knotted up rope hanging from her mouth to play with, then she is looking at you, waiting for you to tell her to go get her toy.

Ahh, the life.

Do they even know they are dogs? Do they know how much they touch our hearts? Do they even know how much a part of our lives they become? Do they even know?

When I come in the pc room in the morning and sit down to turn my computer on, she comes in and has me pet her butt four times. Every time, every morning, four times. She will not leave the room and resume her sentry position until I pet her butt four times.

I guess we all are creatures of habit. I guess we all have our routines, and traditions, and habits. We all go through certain motions that separate each of us, distinct us from one another. What would the world be like if we all did the same thing? How boring would that be?

I have incorporated Coco into my daily routines, and she has done the same with me. I rely on her, and she, me.

Don't get me started on Deena Marie, the dog, the Magnificent. She is keeping sentry in another sector of the homestead, and yes, she has a certain toy in mind.

Our dogs have gotten so used to certain things, sometimes I don't have to call them, they just know to come. They know when to go through a door way, and when not to. They know when it is time for their walks. They know when something out of the ordinary happens, and our traits and personality characteristics change in the least. They just know.

Without our dogs, there would surely be a big void, a big hole in our lives. They take up just enough of our days to make them seem complete. They are there when we need them, and they are there when we would just rather do without them for a few minutes, but they are always there, no matter what.

they are there when supper is ready. They are there when you feel sad, or happy. They were there when my grandson crawled across our kitchen floor for the first time. They were there when the red Sox won the World Series in 2004, and again in 2007. They were there when the Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2002, 04, and 05. They are there every time a skunk is waddling around the house, and they are there when I am standing out in front of the garage, in my underwear, trying to scrub that wonderfully pungent smell out of them.

Yes, underwear.

Have you formed a clear mental image yet? Good, then I can move on.

Like the ticking of a clock, so goes the panting of a dog. constant and secure.

We have had dogs since a couple years after we bought this house. Since 1988 or so, they have graced our home with unconditional love. They have helped pull us through the rough patches, and helped us celebrate the wonderful moments. They have never asked for much, and they deserve even more.

I tend to write a lot about things that matter the most in my life. First of all is always family, first and foremost. My family means more to me, as I grow shorter, wider  and grayer, than anything I ever thought possible. I will never ever overlook the power that my family has in shaping the chambers of my heart. I will never ever let myself overlook their importance. I can not afford to, and as I have said a thousand and two times, I shudder to think where I would be without them in my life.

My four legged family comes in a tight second. actually tight isn't the word. As I think back through my past, and remember all of the wonderful family moments, I can see a fluffy, furry family member tagging along, making the memory complete.

They helped make all of the moments and memories complete, and they didn't even know it.

Oh No! Here comes another squirrel down off the roof!

Easy girl! I promise, That bad old squirrel isn't gonna hurt me!

2012 04 02 Morning Link

I clicked on a link this morning in an email from my father. It took me to a site with a video. the video was a heart warming rendition of the old familiar song, "The Battle Hymn of The Republic".

I waited a second for the video to load, but not too long. Thank heavens for high speed.

As the video started, and the orchestra and singers poured out into my computer room, a feeling took hold of me. It washed down through me from my head to my toes. It grabbed hold of me from the inside, out, and as I sat there listening to the glorious sounds emitting from my pc speakers, I was taken back to a time when I was around three years old in our home in Gorham. I can remember that it was a day like any other day, with my mom working around the house, doing cleaning chores, and me, just being a three year old version of me. There was music playing on the radio, and as I listened to it, I began crying. I didn't know why, but there was something about the song that just picked up my insides, and moved them, right over there.

It was a similar song as the one I listened to this morning, in that it was a patriotic song about America. I always seem to be greatly moved when it comes to my country, and the love I have for it.

I can remember my mother coming up to me and asking why I was crying. I remember telling her, or shrugging my shoulders, that I didn't know why. I remember her putting her hand on my shoulder, kissing me on the top of the head, patting me on the butt, and setting me on my merry little kid way. The world was right, my family was whole, and I loved my country as any unsuspecting three year old could.

Forty eight spins around the yearly clock later, and here I am, crying like a baby, listening to a moving melody that seemed to open my heart and spill my soul out into today. I had a good quick cry, saved the email with the link in my "mom and dad" folder, and went on to the next email.

I had seemed to wake up this morning with a steady, burdening doubt that was wrapped all around my morning. I didn't feel just right, and I didn't really know why.

I get like that sometimes. It's like all of the worries from deep inside come rushing out and just stand there, in front of me, blocking my view. I hate it when that happens. I hate the feeling of unrelenting worry, and doubt, and the feeling of being unsure about it all.

Well, there I was, listening to the video, thinking, and crying, and reflecting. Once again I found myself picturing the faces of my family. My mom and dad, brothers and sisters. I pictured each one of them, one at a time, doing certain things that only they could do.

Well, all at once, those unwelcome feelings of doubt and worry washed down and out of me, as quick as they had come. I was mindfully transformed from the inside out. The feeling was wonderfully familiar, and completely welcome. I thought of my son running through the house with his three year old footie pajamas on. I thought of my father grabbing hold of my knee really quick as we rode along in his work truck, and hollering, "Hey!", and scaring the jelly beans out of me. I thought of my mother shaking her finger at me, with a hint of a smile in her face. I thought of sitting on the bed and playing, or losing at cards with my sister Terri. She also had a hint of a smile too.

I thought of Paula, looking at me, with that same smile on her face that has soothed my weary mind oh so many times. Barry, my older brother, throwing a baseball at me so hard that you could hear it spitting at you halfway to you, and me catching it as he stood there amazed that I caught it. And how could I ever forget the little blond headed banshee of a brother, running at me, screaming his head off, trying with all his might to beat down his older brother with an unrelenting attack from the Western Front.

I thought of the tear rolling down my wife's cheek when I said, "I do.", and the sparkle in the eye of my grandson Jack as I looked into his eyes for the first time.

I can't quite explain why this all made sense to me, except to tell you that it did, and I didn't argue with it.

As I tried to choke down another breath, I sat there, thinking, and feeling. My battery had been recharged, and I thanked God. I thanked Him for family, and all of the wonderful things that mine has brought along for the ride.

I forwarded the email, with the link to the song, to the usual recipients of the emails that I find worthy of forwarding.

If just one person opens up that email, listens to the song, and gets even the tiniest similar feeling that I did, well, It was worth the forward.

I didn't really know where this short little story was going when I started it, but I'm glad I did.

2012 03 31 My Grandson

My Grandson Jack turns six tomorrow. Six years have gone by since I held him tightly, for the first time, cupped between my two hands. Six years have gone by since I stared into those big baby blues, while I wiped a tear from mine. Six years have gone by in the blink of an eye.

He comes up to my waist now. He is getting pretty tall, and I am shrinking. I think he is winning. I feel the same age, except for the time that has gone by since he entered our lives.

I see so many things in him. When I hear him laugh, when I grab him and hug the stuffing out of him, when I think back when his father was his age. It all comes rushing back at me.

Have I changed much in twenty something years? Have I turned from a father, into a grandfather without even knowing it? I still feel the same, except for the aches and pains of growing older. I suppose that I do look at things totally different now.

My grandson turns six years old tomorrow. I can hardly believe my eyes. Where did the time go? Who ripped all of the pages of the calendars off?

I wonder what he thinks of when he thinks of me. I wonder if it is the same sort of feelings that I had when I thought of my own grandparents? I wonder if I seem the same to him as they did to me? How did I get here? In my wildest dreams, I never thought of myself as a mature enough adult to ever be thought of as a grandfather. I mean seriously, that's a lot of responsibility isn't it?

I think back at how I felt when I first became a father. It really isn't that much different, other than there are a heck of a lot more responsibilities.

I don't know how I ever fared as a father, other than how my son reacted, and reacts to me. I tried to do the best I could, but what the hell did I know? Most of the time, I was just trying to figure out who I was, never mind who my son thought I was.

It all went by in a blur. Just one big blur.

I tried to pull as many of the memories ahead with me, but it all happened so fast, I never really knew what hit me.

My grandson Jack turns six tomorrow, and I am wondering if he realizes how fast his life will fly by. I am wondering if he ever thinks about his dad, and his grandfather the same way that I, or his dad did? I wonder if he will ever know to grab hold tight to as many memories as he can.

I seem to recall someone telling me to live it and love it, because it comes and goes wicked, wicked fast. I seem to recall never thinking I would ever grow up. My wife still thinks the same. Smile.

I try to think of how to act, of how to behave, of what to talk to him about. I try to think of what my grandfathers meant to me. I try to remember how it felt when I hugged them, or sat and listened to them. It seems like so long ago. A different time, with different people, living different styles of lives. It was just different.

My grandson Jack turns six years old tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to my Grandson,

Jack Matthew.

2012 03 19 Sound Files Attached

As I slowly walked towards the Belfast Harbor Shore yesterday afternoon, all of the sounds of the world seemed to fade away. The revving of the engines, the clanking of iron on iron, the planes up in the sky and the trains on the rails. It all just faded away, and I was left with the familiar sound of the waves rolling towards the beach. There were no sounds of cash registers, news casts, motorcycles, no bells or whistles, no busy signals or automated tellers. There was none of that, and it felt wonderfully normal. There was nothing but me, my wife, and the sea.

The afternoon tide was returning from its trip out to sea and I kept having to back up every so often so as to not get wet. I wouldn’t really have minded though.

Although I could just barely see a faint hint of the waves rolling in towards me, I could clearly hear them, feel them, and smell them. It was a wonderful feeling that turtle hurdled me back a million years ago. Instantly I was transformed into a teenager, walking on the beach behind the Sea view Restaurant in Lubec, without a care in the world, and all the time to go along with it. When I think of the ocean, I think of that cove where I used to spend hours walking, sitting, thinking, taking it all in. those were probably some of the most relaxing times of my life.

As I stood on the Belfast shore, I was quickly reminded of just how simple things are. Through all of the mixed up, crumbled up, shook up nonsense that we fill our lives with, it’s really the simple things that define our lives. No hustle, or bustle, or deadlines, or time frames. Just you, and family and how you fit all of the rest of it in between.

I had my digital recorder with me yesterday afternoon, so I pulled it out and started recording the waves rolling in. I wanted to send it to my folks in an email. I wanted to let them know that an old friend said, “Hello”. I started recording, figuring I would do about a minute or so. That didn’t seem long enough though. A minute was just not enough time to take it all in.

I remembered back to those Downeast days, on the shores, not wanting to have to leave the comfort of the sights and sounds. I used to walk for hours on end around that cove, and it all seemed to fit. I wanted to stay forever, and never have to leave. I remember sticking a stick in the sand at high tide; watching the waves come up and tickle the stick, then slowly, gradually, move back away from it, as the tide was changing. That was incredible how the tides continue to work, no matter where you are, no matter what is going on in the world, they never stop coming and going. A truly remarkable feat if you think about it. It is actually mesmerizing to say the least. Mesmerizing. There are so many words that describe it, and its effects on me.

If I could have, I probably would have built a house right there and lived out my days under the sun, on the shore. It was just that good of a feeling.

Well I did record a few minutes of the wonderfully soothing Belfast waterfront sounds, and as I hit the “end” button, I found myself not wanting to leave the shore, just as I did way back when. The feelings were the same, from deep inside, they were the same.

I don’t know if the smells and sounds of the sea have the same effect on others, as they do on me. I would hope they do, because it really is a mystical, magical feeling that starts at the tip of my toes, and ends at the tip of my nose. I have long feet and a big nose, so that is a lot of area to gather up a ton of sea faring emotions.

 I think if I had the credentials, I would open up a therapist office. I would put a nice comfy couch, or chair, right there on the beach. That’s all my clients would need. Forty five minutes of nothing but the sounds of the ocean. Nothing else.

Every time I have walked away from the sounds of the sea, I have felt a sort of cleansing. I have felt that no matter what kind of crap life throws at me, it would be ok. The ocean would make it ok.

Not wanting to, I did finally turn and walk away from the shore. I could feel it pulling me backwards as I walked away from it. I could hear it calling for me to come back. I could feel the pounding of the waves on the beach as I said good bye inside.

There’s something from the sea that has worked its way inside of me. It found all the right nooks and crannies, and firmly took up house inside me. I suppose that the feelings will be with me always. I suppose that a piece of me will always be wandering along that Lubec cove behind the Seaview Restaurant. Although the restaurant has long been closed, the cove remains, and in my mind, I am walking along it, stick in hand, smiling.

When I arrived home, I could not wait to hook up the digital recorder to the computer. As I scrolled through the files, I found the waves files. There were three or four of them that I recorded. I sat mesmerized as I played them on my pc sound system. The feeling was wonderful. I smiled as I thought of my mom and dad listening to the sound attachments in their emails. I hoped that they got the same feelings from listening to the files, as I did recording them.

Knowing them the way that I do, I am pretty sure that they did.

2012 03 18 Did You Feel It?

Did you feel it? Did you get a whiff of that special smell? Couldn’t you just feel it run up your back, as the thought of it made you tingle all over?

Well I sure did!

I can remember one spring day, back, oh, a million or so years ago, I looked out the living room window at the road out in front of our house, and I could actually see patches of tar through the ice. The hard packed snow and ice was finally making its spring withdrawal, and I got this tingly feeling all over. As I walked out of the house, and stood in the driveway, I could smell and feel something that seemed to take hold of me. You know the feeling when something incredibly wonderful happens? That feeling that all the pieces of the world suddenly seemed to fit in their proper places, and from the top of your head, all the way down to your toes, a magical sensation took control of your senses? Simply a mystical, magical feeling that I have only felt a few times in my life.

I had the same feeling come over me yesterday as I sat on the front porch steps and listened to my Grandson work his construction project in our front yard, with his Tonka dump truck. Seems that there were some pot holes that needed repairing, and he was more than eager to take on the heavy task.

The thermometer on the west side of the garage was reading seventy-two degrees, and it happened again.

That same special feeling crept down through me, and I was instantly transported back to that spring day in my youth. I was instantly reminded that along with the changes of the seasons, there are also changes in the heart. My spirit was warming up inside, and the thermal blankets were slowly being lifted off me, one by one. It felt wonderful.

I remember back to that time in kidville, to be able to play basketball in the driveway, after having so much snow packed down so thick for such a long time, well, to have a bare tar driveway to bounce a basketball on, now that was something special. Not only that, but to be able to stay out and play, without a coat on? Holy moly, what a day! What a life!

That first bike ride up my road, when you could hear the winter sand crunching under the tires, knowing that just a few short days ago, it was covered in ice and snow. It was spring, and I was ready for it. Don’t get me wrong. I loved winter, and everything that went along with it, but there was just something about the world around me, coming out of its winter slumber. I guess there are too many feelings that come with it to put a finger on just one of them. I think it was the combination of all of them, put together and held out there for me to snatch up. They all mattered, and they all just seemed to fit perfectly.

Spring really is my favorite time of year. There is nothing more soothing to me to watch the bare trees slowly turn green with gentle paint brush strokes that fill the landscape with life.

The spring thaw brought with it a warm soothing feeling that the incredibly special change was pulling me along with it.

As I listened to my Grandson Jack make all those familiar truck noises that go along so well with that type of heavy construction, I looked up, felt the sun on my face, and smiled. It was truly a great day in March. One that I will not forget soon.

I hear it’s supposed to be even warmer today too. I also hear that if I want, I can go outside and plop my dusty winter butt right in the middle of it. I can’t wait!

2012 03 12 What's The Combination?

Hi again.

I have tried to always be positive and upbeat, with a dash of family thrown into the mix in these blog posts, for the most part. I have dove head first into my mush melon and tried to get some of what’s going on in there down on this screen. Sometimes it works out ok. Sometimes I search for the positivity. I always write what I feel and think. I always seem to manipulate some kind of point with my posts. I thank you all who have lent me hearty comments. It really has picked me up most days. I dread to think where I would be without all of you.

I had a situation today that set me back a dozen steps or so. I was not prepared for it. I didn’t know what to do with it. I was left with an old mind set trying to make heads or tales out of a truly unfamiliar situation. I was unsure of all of the things and ways that I have pulled through the difficult things this past year and a half. I was left with just me, completely unaware of anything else but me. Completely unaware that I was so close to having a good time, but even closer to letting things disintegrate in a flash. I couldn’t see the choices I had, nor did I really want to. I was stuck inside of me, the old me, and it felt so familiar that I let it talk me out of any form of common sense.

I was outside walking Deena on a leash when I walked head first into a thicket of alders. It scared me so bad that I let go of the dog leash and just stood there, panicked, and unsure what to do next. It really did scare the you know what out of me.

I was so flustered; I pulled the covers up tight around me and retreated into that lonely place that I don’t like to let anyone else into. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. I didn’t care what the outcome of my actions were, all I knew was I wanted out, I wanted out as quick as I could get out.

I did not anticipate walking head first into the bushes. Probably that’s the reason that it affected me so. I was reminded again today of just how blind I am. It was scary. It was relentless and pounded me back into my obvious state. It reminded me of just how fragile I am, from the inside out. It reminded me of how lucky I am to have the people in my life to help me get through times like this.

I have put my wife through some difficult days. For the most part, I can honestly say that at times, I am the poster child for selfishness. I have done this without regard to what she has to go through being around me. Once again I am forced to look at how I can get through these rough patches without grabbing her and dragging her through it with me.

I suppose I am much better off today than I was a year and a half ago. I should be. I should be, and knowing that these rough patches still affect me in such a way, really makes me step back and look at my progress from a different perspective.

Although I try to see things from other peoples perspectives, I realize that no matter how much I tell myself that I can, I can not, and don’t. I am stuck in my perspective, and until it comes around to be able to see things from a different angle, I am stuck with it, with me.

I have learned many tools these past twenty months. I have even been given a wonderful tool box to keep all these wonderfully useful items in. Unfortunately, someday, I can not remember the combination to the lock, and I am forced to take on the days challenges with my wicked old tools. I was never too good with my old stuff. Most of it I had let just lay around and get rusty and dusty. To tell you the truth, I can’t even remember where I put that stupid tool box. Probably hauled it off to the dump or the Salvation Army. Seeing as I wasn’t using it, I probably figured they could get some use out of it.

I do have my routines around the house. Some days I even forget that I have a vision loss while I am running through these routines. Three steps, turn right, lean forward, and grab the handle and turn. It’s a piece of cake. I haven’t kicked anything real hard, or broke a toe since I started wearing the hard soled slippers my mom and dad sent me a few months back. Thanks guys. Of course, I did kick the living room door last night and tore all the skin off the top of one of my toes. I didn’t break it though, and I wasn’t wearing the slippers. I am chuckling. My poor toes have taken the worst toll of all. I am walking around the house in a size thirteen frame of mind. The only bad thing is, I have size fifteen and a half feet. Now I bet you are chuckling too.

I was surprised enough today, so that it scared the crap out of me. I panicked and acted like a little me. I ruined a perfectly good start to a wonderful afternoon. I let my vision loss get the better of me. I don’t like when that happens. I don’t like it at all. Every so often, I am reminded, quite unexpectedly, of just how much I can not see. I am reminded that I am different than I used to be, and that requires a different mind set. I am also reminded though, of just how fortunate I am to have the help of some amazing people.

My wife tops the list, by far.

I moped my way into the living room, turned the TV on, and listened to an old episode of Big Valley. I hadn’t watched that show since I was a teenager. I laid there for an hour or so, Hi coco, good girl, Where was I? Oh yeah, there I was, on the couch. I have to admit that I was feeling rather sorry for myself. I am good at that too. I tried to have a nap, but couldn’t. The dogs just wouldn’t cooperate.

Well, I got up and headed into the kitchen and turned on the Howie Carr radio show. Then I went in the laundry room and put a load of clean clothes away, and swapped the wet load into the dryer. Before I knew it, I had found my old routine again. I was still blind, but I was fully aware of it, and knew I would be ok. Everything’s gonna be ok. EGBOK. One of my favorite slogans.

The day isn’t ruined. No matter how much my attitude tried to gobble it all up and ruin every last drop of it, it just blew me off and bypassed my crappy attitude. No matter how frozen in time my frame of mind gets into, the days never stop. No matter how stuck in my relentless crap filled attitude I get in, today doesn’t care one bit. It’s gonna rise and set, just like it did the day before, and just like it will tomorrow. I guess it has better things to do.

Come to think of it, so do I.

2012 03 10 Perfect Fit

Well hi there, once again.

I have written before how inept I felt with certain things when I was young. One of those things was the fact that I would eventually grow up and have grown up responsibilities.

Are you serious? Me? Grown up responsibilities?

I did feel inadequate, so much that I dreaded the thought of having to leave the familiar comfort of my kid life. I did realize that there were probably more things to have, and do, and feel, being an adult. I did realize that there also was a lot of grown ups that had been kids, and they seemed to be doing relatively fine in their grownup roles.

I just didn’t think that I would fit in. I didn’t think I had what it took to be an adult. I wasn’t smart enough, or skilled enough, or strong enough. None of it seemed like I would be able to fit into. It just didn’t seem to fit.

Well, there I was, chugging along, comfortable and content being a kid. I had a good home, with good parents, good siblings, and for the most part, it all seemed to fit. I didn’t have to worry about having to grow up. I could just be a kid.

Probably the time in my life when things started changing was when I started working at my dad’s shop. I was thrust into a world of change, and even though it didn’t seem that I would fit in, I eventually did. I became good at the tasks I was taught to do, and very good at the tasks I instinctively knew how to do. I got along very well with my co-workers, and learned the trade from the bottom up. I realize that being the boss’s son might have had a little to do with people getting along with me, but I soon learned that it was because of me, because of my own personality that helped me.

Being brought up in my home had truly given me a head start on being an adult, and I didn’t even know it. I had grown up always watching and studying and learning from my parents, and mostly from my older brother and sisters. Wanting to be like them, wanting to be older, like them, it all molded me and steered me into being an adult. They all helped me to be able to fit.

Well, there I was, a teenager, working with a bunch of adults, and getting along with them. I was learning from them, as I had done from my family. I desired to be older, and for the first time, I didn’t fear the consequences of becoming an adult. It was all quite exciting, and it gave me a special feeling that maybe even I could turn into one of these grown ups. It was very exciting indeed.

One thing that I seemed to dread mostly about growing up was my interactions with those of the opposite sex. Nothing made me feel like a completely unprepared kid more than the thought of girl friends, relationships, or finally maybe even getting married some day. That didn’t seem to fit, no matter how I tried rearranging it.

Like I said in my last blog, things just happened, and all of those inhibitions were disappearing. I had grown up, and had found a woman that smoothed over all of my panic and fear and self doubt. I had found comfort and joy and happiness, and through it all, I had found that it seemed to fit. It seemed to fit just fine.

With a quick turn of the head, and a couple steps forward, I found myself firmly planted in a grown up’s life. I didn’t even see it coming for the most part. I didn’t know all of the changes that I had gone through. I didn’t know how my responsibilities had changed. I didn’t have a clue when the change occurred, but it had. The change had happened very gradually, and my adult life had started. Thank God it waited for me to catch up.

Ha! Who am I kidding? I am still catching up. I still can’t believe sometimes how I got here, and how fast it all happened.

Now I’m fifty something, and my son is turning thirty. Thirty? Are you kidding me? Thirty? Wasn’t I thirty just a few days ago? How in hell did he get to be thirty so fast? Help!

His childhood went by in the blink of an eye. I wish someone would have told me, so I would have slowed things down a little. It was just way too fast, and I wish more than ever that I could go back and relive it all.

Wow! I went from having to be shown how to hold him, to burping him, to watching him sleep in his crib, to rocking my little Peeper to sleep, to helping him sit up. Look at him, he’s crawling now! Man, that’s so cool. He’ll probably be walking soon, and then, holy moly! Look at him go! Don’t forget to take a picture of him getting onto the bus for his first day of school. Thanks cutie. What song did you learn in school today kiddo? Hats? Hats for sale? Did you grow out of those sneakers already? How did you get so tall, and watch out for that blue spruce! Whoops, you bent the handle bars on your first bike. Stop crying, it’ll be ok. I’ll teach you how to skate, and for heaven’s sake, don’t fall out of that tree! Just try not to get into trouble and I will let you sit in my lap and steer my truck. Watch out for that mail box! That’s better

You know, your sneakers smell like McDonalds food, and yes, I’ll pick you up at closing tonight. Just make sure you bring out a bag of left overs for your dear old dad, ok? Thanks, I love McNuggets at eleven thirty at night.

. Parallel parking? Are you kidding me? You got your permit? Oh how cool. Now I can start eating anti acids by the bushel. So this is what happened to my parents. Sorry guys, really.

You didn’t get your license the first time? The second time though, right? Oh joy. Now you can drive by yourself and I can reserve a room at the psych ward with a view.

I’ll be ok though, just make sure to straighten your cap and tie at graduation. How proud am I? I mean, really!

Did I just hear you say you bought a house, and this is my grand son, right? How can that be? How did I grow up so fast? How did this little baby in my arms become my grand son? And he is turning six next month? My little Jack Jack? Six next month? Wow! Are you serious? Hello?

Fifty years, like, “snap” that. In a blur. In a flash. In a jiffy, and here I am, all grown up, and waiting for the dust to settle down some so I can figure out where I am. I did finally grow up, right? I mean I can’t be this big and still be a kid, right? I guess I finally did grow up after all. Mostly on the outside though.

I mean, you didn’t really expect me to be able to fit into, this, all at once now.

Did you?